Toward the end of Yom Kippur Services, the Rabbi asked, "How many of you
have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Rabbi said "Try again" and then repeated his question. All responded this time,
except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Kohn? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? "
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Kohn, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight." she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Kohn," said the Rabbi, "would you please come down in front and
tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy
in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said:
"I outlived the bitches."

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to
use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day
the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

( How the story continues... )

11 things they usually forget to teach us in school.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you
to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't
be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a
different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your
mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to
you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your
own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS
NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as
MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer This doesn't bear the slightest
resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very
few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your
own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.


Bill Gates